"flatm8z fo lyfe"

I still giggle inside when an Australian asks me, “how you going?” meaning, “how are you?” I am always tempted to respond with, “by foot” or “via plane,” but I’m not a tool and I think the “how you going?” is endearing and should be encouraged.

You know what else should be encouraged? Barbies. As in delicious food on a grill, not a disproportioned doll. The stereotype of Australian barbies are wrong—they’re better. Imagine a glorious park next to an equally glorious beach entirely occupied by happy Aussies. Every single one is drinking beer (‘no booze in public’ laws are overlooked for Sunday barbies). Sausage, steak, beer battered bacon (surprisingly awesome (speaking of awesome, Australians are amused when we say it)), the works. Some dudes next to us were grilling kangaroo, but since I had pet a kangaroo within the last 24 hours, I stuck with non-kanga meat. This particular barbie was particularly amusing as my friend and I were in the minority (females, without full sleeve tattoos, etc.) and also because I shared a kabob (pronounced ka-bAb) with Nicole Kidman’s bodyguard. Top ten most entertaining nights of life, easy.

I don’t wear a watch or have a calendar here. I have, literally and more than once, told time by a sundial. Normally I tell time by how crowded street cafés are, how dark it is, or if there are still kids and puppies kickin’ around. It beats digital clocks and roman numerals.

We celebrated (as we, like this whole nation, take any excuse we find) our One Month of Australia Anniversary recently. That means that we have been here for a month. That is absolutely insane because my plane landed, oh, yesterday. Living in the future only makes the warped speed with which time is traveling even more intense.

Ever since I joined the Australia network on the book, I have gotten some bizarre friend requests from strangers on this island. But they all have silly Australian names (Dunstan, for instance) so I accept.

Speaking of things that make the world seem tiny (fbook), the small world-isms keep on rolling. In the middle of the woods in the Blue Mountains, I ran into a girl from high school I haven’t seen since graduation (we said “holy shit!” simultaneously). At a bar, a friend introduces me to his friend…except I already know his friend. We had freshman year Spanish together. And the creep LBI dude from the first night, who I assumed went to U. Sydney, who I assumed we would never see again…he sat behind me at orientation. Straight up nonsense.

A lesson in Australian speak, for all of you keeping score at home. If someone says to you, “Mate—you seem really pissed this arvo, do you think you could help me carry this esky filled with capsicum and not winge about it? Or maybe you should just SMS me when you get home? Ta.” If you were to hear that, and you never, ever would, the speaker means, “Dude, you’re drunk this afternoon. Help me carry this cooler full of peppers and please don’t complain about it. Or text message me when you get home. Bye.” End of lesson.

I will end with a bunch of top five lists, because I want to.

Things I miss:
1. George lord and his wonderfully fat cheeks
2. Pictionary tournaments in 424 (speaking of, I saw a metaphorical “lamp” girl carrying an ACTUAL game of Pictionary around campus yesterday. I laughed aloud.)
3. A meal plan
4. Wireless internet in my bed
5. YOU!

Things I don’t miss:
1. Boston weather
2. A world without kangaroos
3. Class five days a week
4. Being obligated to wear shoes
5. The smell of Edmond’s

Things we now have in our apartment that aren’t, technically, “ours:”
1. Eight neon shot glasses from unibar AND one wine glass from a classy restaurant

2. Two pairs of (new!) shoes left behind in rental car
3. More than 50 plastic sporks from garlo’s meat pies
4. A (very comfortable!) canvas director-ish chair we found on the street
5. Three posters advertising themed parties at bars

Five excerpts, out of context, from our running (100+) list of Why Australia Rules:
19. Drunk cop at Mardis Gras
29. Bondi Rescue
27. Uniforms with hats
33. "Simon(s)"
68. Three Mile Tuesday

1. I'm still pulling for all of you to fly down here...

2. and I swear it would be the best plane ticket of your life.

3. The end.

4. Love,

5. Kasey

"are you wearing pants?"

They have no pennies in this country, and I think I like that. They also have meat pies, and I certainly like that. This island is rather like the wine we’ve been floating (not quite drowning) in—better and better with time. The longer I live here (still can’t believe that Kasey, Australia, and a stamp can exist on one envelope addressed to me), and it’s been a month, the more I discover. The other day a few of us went on a coastal walk (a 5K each way…I mention that distance for the benefit of a few certain people). Cliffs, waterfalls, insane panoramas, beaches, sandy puppies, flowers—glory. I wish pictures did it justice, but they don’t. I also wish I could carry all of you around in my pockets. That’d be entertaining anywhere, but in Australia your view would be top-notch.

Also, I am tweaking out—I have still not surfed. For future reference, dudes named “Surfer Stu” are not reliable with their schedules or phones. I’m tempted to buy my own board, but that would kill my funds and class attendance with one stone/board.

Contrary to popular belief, I have not died from starvation due to a lack of a meal plan. This could, in part, be related to the facts that “take-away” is mighty popular, they sell perfect frozen meat pies, or that one of my dear roommates loves to cook. Either way, I go to bed full at night.

Thing #154 I love about my life: I go to the beach nearly every day. I often stop in McDonalds (called Macca’s here!) and buy a 30 cent (?!) soft serve cone. And then I walk home from beach, along glorious Coogee Bay Road, ice cream cone in hand, and, of course, barefoot. Ain’t nothing finer.

Our neighbors across the hall are a loveable Aussie family. They have a baby girl named Matilda and I want to steal her. Thankfully, the neighbors are more of a Miss. Honey breed than Trunchbull.

Although, really, everyone here seems rather Miss. Honey-ish. They don’t call it the “lucky country” for nothing. In most magazines I’ve read here there are ads about how to extend your visa/cash in your old home for a sparkling new one in Oz. The dude who gives kayak tours lived in America…until he studied abroad at UNSW and decided to never go back. Another dude who spoke at orientation is from Minnesota, but came to study here…and now he only goes back to Minnesota for Christmas.

Other reasons I love UNSW include the fact that they arranged a St. Patrick’s day boat cruise. When’s the last time you saw 400 kids at sea, decked out in green, all with access to an open bar? Beautiful nonsense. Beautiful in that the view, from a boat, of the Sydney harbor at night is pretty awe-inspiring (pictures to come). Nonsense in that by the second hour, a drunk girl dropped her purse over the side of the boat. And when her (drunker) roommate heard the splash, she assumed the roommate fell in. I happily report that I, my friends, and my belongings all made it back to land. Great success.

My psychology of language TA is named Xerox Tang. As in copy machine brand name plus powdered orange drink. I’m not sure if it’s all right that I think this is entertaining.

Also-I finally booked spring break aka “mid semester break” because it’s not actually spring. We’re going to do an east coast Australia tour. It’ll be a combo of high class (glorious beach resort) and roughing it (sleeping on our 12 hour overnight bus). Adventure? I think so. We’ll be lounging on Fraser Island, sailing the Whitsunday islands, and then checking up on the Great Barrier Reef (‘sup world wonder?)! The trip (once you add in scuba at reef, white water rafting, jumping from plane) is going to cost way too much. YOLOB, though. I guess it’s just payback (literally) in awesomeness for all the jobs I’ve ever had. No better time to spend than during an economic recession while the exchange rate is bumpin, right?

In other adventure news, we went to the Blue Mountains yesterday and it was grand. Pictures don’t capture the wildly EPIC nature of them. We’re talking major vastness. I had another one of those “I’ve seen this visual in books/postcards/posters and now I am seeing it for real…woah” moments when we saw the Three Sisters (google image it up, if you’re curious). Also, my new job aspiration is to be the operator of the SkyRail at the Blue Mountains so I can just ride it all day long. Sweetest life ever. 

Even more exciting than mountains and rocks (no matter how importantly historical or grand) is the fact that I pet/cuddled with/loved up close kangaroos, wallabies, emus, and koalas. Facts: wombats are hysterical looking and I would like a pet dingo. If the SkyRail operator job is taken, I’ll just work at this wildlife park. Honestly though, I pet and handfed (and fell even more deeply in love with) kangas and koalas. I’m going to blow up the Kasey and Kangaroo picture and put it on the mantel on my next home. Not a joke.

Finally, if you’re ever having a sleepless night, you should probably get your ass out of bed and sign online. I often bum wifi in the afternoon here (late night of the previous day for those of you in my old hemisphere). Sign onto aim, talk to me in the future.

The end.

Love,
Kasey

PS- My local tattoo artist just invited me to a "barbie." Best life ever.

"your american accents are so cool!"

Perhaps, since I am studying abroad, I might include a solid paragraph or two about my studies. I can only ramble about my newfound love for kangas, my eternal love of the ocean, or my fascination with things like flip-cup at orientation for so long.

In all honesty, although it’s more work than I had hoped for (read: wildly minimal), I am pretty into my classes. All teachers encourage us, in their ever-endearing accents, to call us by their first name. None of that “I didn’t go to school for 30 years for you to call me Andrew” nonsense. More like, “Please, call me Andy!” Points. Also, the ability to use profanity without consequence is not limited to Aussie ads or TV…it extends straight to the classroom. In my creative writing class the teacher talked about writing as a sexual metaphor…quite extensively and explicitly. No better way to get your point across.

My psychology of language teacher is this little, sprightly, British(ish?) dude (not unlike Sofer!) who happens to be a straight up genius. All of my teachers, actually, have cause to be arrogant monsters, but instead they’re chill as chill can be. In my marketing discussion, we had a go at speed dating, which was quite hilarious. I, lucky girl I am, had the chance to go on four “dates”…every single one was with a dude who, upon my asking what they did for fun, replied with a solemn, “computers” and nothing else. Beyond those four superstars though, the class is quite engaging and friendly.

Finally, I am head over heels for my “Health and Healing” class. I actually want it to be Thursday again just so I can be back in that room. Nothing defines it better than the following comment from a dude in my class (who was replying to the teacher’s “what do you expect from this class?”): “I hope this class stays this awesome. It feels like it’s one of those long, rambling, deep drunk conversations that you walk away from, thinking, WOW! And also, did that just HAPPEN? Please don’t take offense to that, I think it’s the best compliment I could give.” Teacher laughed and thanked him.

This time difference still baffles me mostly because, oh, I don’t know, I live in the FUTURE. What a bizarre thing to wrap your head around. If you’re ever curious about how the next fifteen hours of your life are gonna fly, email me and I’ll happily let you know. I have already lived them.

My new favorite day is Wednesday. There’s a place called the Beach Palace Hotel (it’s as ill as it sounds) that offers $2 steaks when you purchase a $4 beer, aka full meal and full drink for $6 aka wonderful. And when you take into account the 30% Australian “discount” due to how poorly (/awesomely for me) the Aussie buck is doing, that’s only $4.20! Such deals leave some leftover bills for more awesome things…like flights to New Zealand and fees for jumping out of planes.

In wave riding news, I have two surfing playdates! I think finding other pros (who have extra Kasey-sized boards) to surf with will be more efficient economically (buying a board ain’t cheap investment) and also will decrease my casualty odds (I don’t know these oceans, these rips, these sharks, etc… the pros do). One dude is a legit surf instructor, and I’m throwing him a few bills. One dude is a NZ native who wants no money, only a new face to ride waves with. Glorious.

KathyXcore would be proud of me: No sunburns. No diseases. I take a multi-vitamin and end up walking at least three miles daily. And I’m drinking an inhuman amount of water. These things serve as advanced apology note to my liver. Australians drink. I was ripping wifi from a bar on Sunday afternoon and by 4pm, the place was packed. Insane to the membrane. This country makes the Mods look like a place of peace.

In conclusion, if you all could start up some lemonade stands, start working street corners, sell your textbooks back early, what you do doesn’t matter, just make the bills and buy your plane tickets here. We have an extra bed, or, if preferred, I’m happy to share (dibs little spoon). But truly, I’m here until July. This offer is forever on the table and forever serious.

The end.

Love,

Kasey

"in australia red means go"

i was tempted to make this entry only the following sentence: we played flip cup at orientation (and it ruled).

but in the interest of stories and details (and life in australia beyond school sponsored drinking games), i decided to make this a legit entry. orientation started as most do, boring, in a group, and inside. blah blah be safe, go to class, don’t get poisoned by creatures, don’t get roofied, blah, etc. annnd a few hours later, we’re outside at the campus bar and the dude that picked me up from the airport is ordering pitchers and moving patio tables to create an epically long flip cup table. welcome to higher education in the sunniest nation on earth. thinking of the impossibility of playing flip cup at BC’s orientation (at which FATHER leahy, our president, was present) makes me smile even more.

other smile inducers include all things related to mardis gras. yesteday in sydney was the lgbt pride/mardi gras/awesomeness/gayday parade. it was off the wall glorious. i have never seen so many dudes wearing so many wings (and so little other clothing) in my life. i actually heard the “aussie aussie aussie, oi oi oi!” cheer! it was one hell of a celebration…so much so that i felt a bit bummed to be run-of-the-mill hetero chick. insane pictures coming soon!

brief tale to prove the aussie wonder: we are walking home thursday night from a bar. i have an unstoppable craving for ice cream/popsicle type item (and getting those banana pops from lower isn’t an option). stop in a convenience store. bring supreme popsicle to counter. dude asks for 2.70. i tell him, ”i’m sorry, i only have $2” and i start to bring pop back to freezer. he stops me, says, “oh--no worries! enjoy it sweetheart!” and that i did.

i’m making admirable progress on my life goals list. getting to australia already checked one off. hang with kangas: check. nude beach: accidental check (did not expect naked bodies at our beach, but hey). immortalize myself by writing in wet cement: check (right outside my apartment in AUSTRALIA, no less). skydiving: uncheck, coming soon. scuba: uncheck, also coming soon. send a message in a bottle: in progress.

i like lists. here are some:

things i am in love with:

beach every single day

plenty of barefoot time

aussie accent (especially in small children)

meat pies

pure blonde beer

when australians say “heaps”

australian dogs*

kings of leon**

the sun setting not setting until 8pm 

*the dogs here are fantastic. they are everywhere and never, ever have leashes, yet, they are the most obedient pups in the world. they follow their owners attentively, wait outside stores for them, and follow complex instructions some KIDS might have trouble with (“bruno, go wait over there for a bit while i’m swimming!”) 

**in a timely fashion, i became obsessed right before i left. and here they are like gods, meaning every club plays sex on fire on heavy rotation.

things i am not in love with:

the metric system (it’s more logical, yes, but to me? nonsense)

wild spike in shark attacks (more attacks in the last month in sydney than in the last many years. let’s go surfing!)

things that still baffle me:

driver’s side on the right

people who enjoy vegemite

things i want from all of you:

your current addresses (if you want postcards! and you do want postcards)

suggestions of how i can watch 30-rock and 24 online

your promise to buy a plane ticket here before july

plenty’o’emails

 school starts tomorrow. i’ve been on vacation since LDOC of 2008. thus, i haven’t been in class for nearly three months. i’m not sure if i recall how to sit still. si se puede?

[edit: i wrote this yesterday, and am posting it today, thus i have already had class and have already survived sitting in a classroom and taking notes. great success!]

the end.

love,

kasey

corporate ausralia isn't real. take off your tie and shoes.

last summer i paid $25 for a panoramic photo poster of the view of the sydney harbor. i slapped it on the wall of home sweet edmond’s and fell asleep under that visual for a semester. last week, however, i paid $2 to hop on a bus that dropped me off in the same place my poster’s picture was taken. the moment the insanely glorious view was my own (to quote the great mastercard commercials): priceless.

but seriously. i sat with a friend at darling (and it’s called darling too, my god…) harbor struggling to drink an australian beer because my mouth was almost constantly agape as i gazed at the freaking sydney harbor bridge and opera house. what in the world did i do to deserve such awesomeness? beyond postcard-like views, i saw some pretty sick stuff, too. we’re talking a street performing dude who stood on a bike that was suspended in the air by a ten foot metal pole...and while up there he juggled a blowtorch and knives. ain’t no thing. also saw a forty-plus year old dude with dreds playing a didgeridoo, he was golden. i talked to a photographer at a market, was ever-impressed with his stuff. asked him to follow me around australia and take my pictures for me. he said he’d love to but warned me, with a laugh, that he was mighty expensive.

so far so good on the water, wine, and ocean resolutions. the only pitfall thus far: one blue bottle jellyfish sting (google image it!). it left this fierce warrior wound though and i’ve earned some street cred as i can say i’ve been stung by a portuguese man’o’war. no one had to pee on me, i felt better in an hour, and i‘m alive to write about it, so no worries. speaking of “no worries,” i thought i used that phrase a lot. it’s like these peoples’ comma. even the solicitors here are wildly friendly! exhibit A: “g’day want to buy these raffle tickets for some australian thing you’re not familiar with?” “no thanks.” “oh! no worries!” i bet even their dmv employees are nice. it’s simply that kind of nation down here.

i can’t decide whether i’m excited for classes to begin. on the plus, i’m a dork and am amped about the courses i’m taking. on the minus, having any form of a schedule might impede my do-whatever-i-want/that-usually-means-beach routine. from what i understand, though, classes here are of a much softer variety than BC’s. aka the sweet life will probably continue.

plans are in the works for some serious adventures. these ballin adventures include but are not limited to: white water rafting, blue mountains, climbing sydney harbor bridge, bungee jumping in new zealand, wine tasting in hunter valley, surf trips, sleeping in hammocks in fiji, checking up on the great barrier reef before global warming eats it, etc. sadly, these adventures cost some serious green (or serious pink, yellow, and blue as australian money goes). if you feel like wiring me thick stacks of bills, it would be wildly appreciated.

fun fact one: they filmed babe (of great pig fame) in australia!
fun fact two: i’ve heard “fuck” (and “root”!) on non-cable tv in australia.

in other entertaining news, there are some bizarre things that look exactly the same but carry different names. for instance, rice kripsies. same blue box, same snap, crackle, and pop dudes, but called rice bubbles. also, burger king. same logo, same food, but called hungry jack’s. these things make me laugh.

in most important news, i saw kangaroos and koalas. if i drop out of school and the dolphin training gig doesn’t pan out, i would happily settle for zoo-keeper at sydney wildlife world. any job that entails feeding kangas daily would be swell. they are quite friendly and intrigued with people (at least these kangas) which works out because i’m quite friendly and intrigued with them. when they jump, they look absolutely ridiculous. so, so silly that i laughed aloud. also, i had no idea that koalas make absurd noises! totally ridiculous, very loud, quite trainwreck-ish sounding. regardless, my koala love lives on.

i do miss all of your beautiful faces major league. once/if we land our own internet, i’ll be able to skype, which will be grand news. also, once i get my own internet i will be able to catch up and then keep up with all the personal emails. i swear i’m not failing on my gmail monster promise, i’ve just been unwired. SOON!

until then i will avoid further interactions with poisonous sea creatures…even though i was informed by a dear australian that i have a better chance of dying in a club than at the beach. i think that was supposed to be comforting.

the end.

love,
kasey